Angry Burger
"Yes, the burger is aggressive." The burger looks on as I talk to the 911 operator.
When I see this grumpy lump, it does not look particularly caring or intelligent. It looks like it is 3lbs of sit there and eat whatever. Well that's what it is, but there's more to it than that. The African Bullfrog is an ambush predator. You can tell by looking at him that he's not very good at running. They sit, waiting for anything that could possibly fit in their mouths to come by and they pounce. They eat birds, rodents, snakes, fish, bugs, and other frogs. They're not particularly picky. They can't really chew their food so they use their large forked tongue to pull large prey further into their mouth with each chomp while, like all frogs, pulling their eyes into their head to push food down their throat.
Being frogs, they live for the water. The savannas they live in are rarely wet. The rainy season is usually only two months or so long. The rest of the time, the african bullfrog spends buried deep underground. When it's dry out, their body turns their external layer of mucus into a dried out ballon or cocoon. This dramatically reduces moisture loss and leaves only their nostrils exposed. A healthy frog can stay like this for up to two years, though they usually only have to do it for 10 months. When it rains, the cocoon breaks and the frog emerges as hungry and angry as ever. They can live up to 40 years, spending the vast majority of their time underground.
Unusually for frogs, the males are about twice the size of the females. This is because the males of this species are tasked with FIGHTING. The ephemeral ponds they love so will be guarded and defended by dominant males in the center who will lunge at, and possibly pierce, potential rivals. They have two thorny teeth at the front of their bottom jaw and they can launch themselves two meters forward. These fights can be brutal! The females don't want scrubs so they'll try and sneak past the lesser males to get to the big shots in the middle.
The females gestate very quickly, ready to lay eggs two days later. She'll do this in smaller dips at the edge of the larger pool. they're safer from predation there and the male will keep watch. The male bullfrog really cares more for the idea of the tadpoles rather than the individuals. He might eat a few of them every now and then, he might leave a few stranded on land, but there's like 2,000 of them so it's fine. As long as no one else does the same. Now this surprised me! The bullfrogs can dig, we know they live underground most of their lives. They also have a limited understanding of fluid dynamics. If their puddle is drying up, the father frog will dig at the wall to pour their puddle into the larger pond. Of course it's more about the idea of tadpoles because not all of them will survive the pour, but the majority will and that's better than them all dying.
I want this post to have more photos on it but I'm out of frog narrative. Here's a dump with annotation before I give my review.
Here are those bottom teeth they use to scrape their opponents when fighting
This is them mating, frog mating never looks right
And this is the absolute size they can reach. I am sucker for stupidly big animals. I can't tell if I like the fact that they spend almost all their life underground. I think that is the thing that makes them who they are; so big, fat, and angry. All of those are a plus, and living near them would be like a frog weather event. I imagine it would be cool like when fireflies come out in the summer or when those cicada swarms emerge. I always think we need more weather events and frogs make a good one. The rains come and you finally hear the frogs again! ANYWAYS, a big, aggressive, fat, angry, frog with a couple points invested in intelligence and care scores well with me! I like the idea that it might be smart enough to hate me.